koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
Just feels the need to announce that I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm a fucking rockstar.
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
Today I get back on that horse and redo week 2.

Good times.
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
So it's been a bad week this week so I didn't manage to get to Week 3's program.

However, I will just wait until Monday and then start on Week 2 again so I can build up to Week 3. The good news is that I'm not feeling lethargic because of the lack of push-ups. Instead I've been biking to and from work which is about 5km one way so 10km a day.
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
Hey folks, I've got a new post up on The Border House for Casual Friday.

Check it out here.
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
Well, finished another self-help book and I'm going to write about it so that I can remember what I liked about it. That's one of the reasons why I started to do this, that way I can look back at the books and take what was good from it and tell people about the ones I think they need to read and the ones they need to avoid.

After all, we can all use a little bit of self-improvement.

Today's book is called Why Can't you Read My Mind. There's a subtitle but most Self-Help books have subtitles that are a mile long so I refuse to write them out.

If you're the type of person that has a hard time communicating in the space of relationship I totally recommend this book. Dr. Bernstein makes sure that he sticks with what you can do rather than focusing on how you can 'fix' others. That's a big thing I've noticed about 'self'-help books, there tends to be those two camps. Those that are like, 'you can't control others so you need to make changes to yourself' and the 'omg, this is how you totes fix your SO.'

Basically what the book is talking about is that the "toxic thoughts" that we think about our partners causes our relationships to deteriorate. Certainly it's not the only factor, but it's totally true. If you sit down and think negatively about your partner, then it's going to have an effect on the feelings you have for them. These kind of thoughts create their own reality and it's never a pleasant one.

In the book there are 9 Toxic Thought patterns, but the ones that really spoke to me were:
1. The All or Nothing Trap where you put things in very binary terms when in reality things are almost always more complex and more nuanced than your toxic thinking will let you believe.
2. The Blame Game where nothing is your fault in the relationship, but everything is your partner's fault. I've mostly gotten over this one before I read this book, but even then it's still there sometimes, and as such it's always good to recognize it.
3. Emotional Short Circuit where you just shut down when you have to deal with feelings. I'm better at this too, but I used to do it all the time.
4. Overactive Imagination where you imagine things that aren't real and act as if they are. This one is the one that I'm guilty of the most. I think when I stop talking, I just fill in the blanks and the stuff I fill in is always worse than the reality.

The rest of the book is pure CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) but that's good because instead of general CBT, he focuses on those thoughts in particular. He calls it his MAP to success, which is short for Mindfulness, Alternatives and Practice. This is almost out of the book CBT, but it's good to have still because CBT is actually pretty effective. It's hard to do on your own because it's so very generic, but when you add these other books like Why Can't Your Read My Mind it helps focus your work.

He does get into more details. He talks about how our history, he calls them ghosts, can cause Toxic thinking to stick and the key skill to keeping a relationship together is Empathy, which are big pluses in my reading experience and is one of the reasons why this book grabbed me and made me want to finish it.

Random Value Judgement Rating: ~~~~~ mind waves being read because you can read my mind, right?
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
Hey two people who read this!

I've got a post up over at The Border House where I'm talking about casual flash games over at Kongregate.

The article is here. Go over, read it, comment!
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
I have decided that I need to a little bit more on the exercise front.

I have also decided that I will never manage to get down to a "gym." I'll just never make the time to do it. It's been part of my history. I just don't like going down to a spot to lift weights around people who are busy trying to do the same thing. It might be something carrying over from high-school, but it just feels too complicated.

That's why I decided to do push ups at work. I mean, if you're going to do something while working overnight, taking some time do some exercise isn't that huge a deal. Especially since I'm not leaving to do it. Then someone pointed me towards the the one hundred push up website. I thought, this would be an awesome idea.

It probably is, but I'm on week 1 day 2 and my arms are protesting loudly.
koipond: Illustration of Rache Batrmoss with a cigarette coming out of his mouth. (Default)
So I've been sitting around working on relationship stuff and over the course of many conversations, which aren't always the easiest thing for me to do, it's come to light that I wasn't doing as much work as I'd like to think.

This may come as a shock to some people, especially those that have been around to hear me talk, but when it comes to actually discussing what I'm feeling I have to be 100% comfortable or else I'm not saying anything about what I'm feeling right then. I'll talk about past mistakes, I'll wax eloquently on the future and the past but anything happens and the present and my words are, "Nothing's Wrong."

That's why I ended up picking up that book from the library literally called Nothing's Wrong. I read it, and I've now decided that for the net little bit I'm probably going to be reading more like it. That's not to say the book was perfect, it did get a little condescending at times but that might be because they were talking about things that I got, there is a section that talks about feelings and feminism in that 'this is a good thing despite what you hear from the media,' so I don't feel that I was their target audience. Despite that, what the book was saying in general was rather helpful.

Value based judgemen: *** out of a starlit sky.

I also just finished The Dance of Connection by Dr. Harriett Learner. This is a book that I recommend to anyone trying to learn to communicate when the last thing in the world you want to do right then is communicate. She talks about making sure that you stick to talking about yourself in the conversation and staying true to your own voice. There are a couple of sections that talked about talking because you need to talk about your feelings because you can't expect an apology because you won't get one. Where you need to stand firm and where you need to think about things. All in all, it was an enjoyable experience.

Value based judgement: ~~~~~ with a disqualification of the American Judge.

I tried to get into How Not to Take It Personally by Vera N. Held. I figured why not because it was in the same vein as what I was reading, but it didn't really speak to me. Maybe it was that it had covered in The Dance of Communication, maybe the text didn't speak to me. I would suggest some people to check it out, there are some pretty awesome people who do recommend this book, for me the most notable being Barbara Coloroso of Kids are Worth It! fame, but it just wasn't jiving for me.

Value based judgement: !!~~!11eleventy for those who might like it.

The fourth book this week that I tried to get through was How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. However, the essentialism was painful. When the Author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus gives the book a thumbs up I want to look elsewhere. Also, one of the taglines on the back that says, "You'll never get a closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to one of your girlfriend."

That's right folks, communication doesn't work. You've just gotta fuck him into submission. Seriously, skimming the book it was all about how the ladeez can appease yo man! I kid you not. Chapter three is "The Silent Male, What He's Thinking and Feeling" and Chapter four is "The Worst Thing a Woman Does To A Man." Needless to say this book is going back to the library toute suite.

Value based judgement: =p followed by a =X followed by an arena chant of "Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye!"